Take a moment and think about how it looked without the gas inside. Yeah, I know right!? On the 23rd of May 2018 at 17h45, I had an out-of-body experience, and my life changed for the better. After five hours of excruciating pain, my body was numb, but I was filled with joy and disbelief that I too, have been blessed with a love like this.
No one could have prepared me for what came next. Have you seen how new mothers would post themselves on social media two days after giving birth, and their posts are flooded with compliments? I thought it was like that for everyone, and it would be like that for me too. I got the shock of my life when I went to take a shower and realised that my tummy was still huge. ‘Maybe I was carrying twins, and they didn’t pick this up’, I thought to myself. I felt my tummy to check if there was nothing else inside.
Here, I was at my big age of 25, shocked that I still looked seven or eight months pregnant after giving birth. Before this moment, I had assumed that after giving birth, one’s belly instantly shrinks to its pre-pregnancy size, except that it remains loose and flappy. Wrong! I felt betrayed that no one warned me about this confusing moment.
During my pregnancy, I thought I was on top of things as I had bought a postpartum belly-binding set, which I started using a day or so after giving birth. My initial expectation was that my tummy would shrink naturally, immediately after delivery, and the binding set would help tighten my belly to reach my ‘tummy goal’. I had assumed this to happen over a short space of time, which left me confused, disappointed, and hurt when it didn’t happen when I thought it would. I did quick research, and everything I read told me about giving my body time and allowing it to heal. But that was not how I had imagined it; I needed my body to bounce back!
Because I hated how I looked and wanted to look like my ‘ideal’ self within a few days after giving birth, I put my body under so much stress. I feel like only 10% of me was invested in the baby and 90% in how I looked. It was one thing after the other, including the terribly-looking stretchmarks. Before you say anything about oils and other stuff, I bought everything I knew of and moisturised my belly twice a day when I was pregnant. Stretchmarks are hereditary, a topic for another day.
Four weeks after my attempts to get my body back to its ‘original’ state, I had achieved my body goals, excluding the stretchmarks of course, which were now lighter, and I didn’t feel like crying anymore when I saw them. Only then I started enjoying motherhood and going out with my husband and feeling attractive. Sadly, this was a short-lived reality. Four months later (I remember this because I had just started a new job), my body betrayed me and I regained all the postpartum weight I managed to shed. I haven’t consulted professionally to confirm this, but I think I went through this because I didn’t give my body enough time to heal. Two weeks into the new job, my clothes didn’t fit anymore (pre-pregnancy clothing). I also realised that my belly was getting bigger by the day. Again, I was confused and heartbroken.
My son is turning five this year, and I have struggled with how I looked for the past four years. I think some people can instantly adjust to change, but for the rest of us, it takes time. The adjustment doesn’t happen overnight, but when it finally happens, it is so beautiful that I cannot put it into words. When I now come across photos of how I looked before becoming a mom, I just look at my son, and I am content. My mind has finally accepted that I am a mom and should stop putting pressure on myself. Yes, today I might look like someone who works out five times a week, but if tomorrow I look like someone who has just given birth, it is OK!
What am I saying? To everyone who is pregnant or plans to fall pregnant someday, you might not like how you look after giving birth, and it’s okay. To those new moms who are struggling with how they look, please give your bodies time. I know that it hurts, and you don’t want to look like a failure, but please allow your body to heal at its own pace.
1 What does motherhood mean to you?
It means learning to guide and take care of someone you love unconditionally while discovering who you are as an individual.
2 What are your favourite aspects of being a mom?
Having someone who loves me unconditionally and sees me as their haven. I love feeling important and useful.
3 How has being a mom changed your life?
I have learned to give myself thousand-second chances.
4 What does self-care look like to you, and how do you take care of yourself?
Spending the day on my own. It can be relaxing at home or doing something I love or enjoy. Sounds selfish, right?
5 What advice or tips would you give to a new mom?
Accept all the help you are being offered. Nothing beats taking a nap or spending at least half an hour away from the baby. Yes, you need to care for your little one but don’t forget to take care of yourself.
Acknowledgements:
A special thank you to Disebo Mbalo for trusting us with her story. Please follow her on Instagram: https://instagram.com/disebo_mbalo
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